


All In My Head

by HyunjinsEyeMole



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, For a Friend, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 17:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21323674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyunjinsEyeMole/pseuds/HyunjinsEyeMole
Summary: "Every little glance my way, every time you wanted to hang, you seemed so interested. Could you tell me, was it real or was it all in my head?"A Merlin one-shot based loosely off Tori Kelly's 'All In My Head'
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	All In My Head

He walks into the room and I smile. Today's the day. I'm going to tell him. But then I stop and my smile falters. I can't do it. He probably doesn't feel the same about me as I do. If I tell him and I'm rejected, I would die inside. But what if he does like me and thinks I don't like him back?

I mean, he always smiles when he's around me, and I never see him smiling that smile with anyone else. That surely means he likes me back, right? Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it...

But we have this thing we do where we just insult each constantly, but in a friendly way. Personally, I saw it as being smart and witty, and I always seemed to best him in our insult matches, but I've been told by almost everyone that we're flirting. Is that flirting? Does he think it is? Is that why he always initiates it? If he does think it is flirting, he doesn't seem to mind it.

As a person, I feel I am very clingy. I like to be around people and tend to overstep personal space boundaries sometimes - not that I always mean to - but he's one of the only people who doesn't mind if I follow him around all the time, or watch him while he's training with the knights. He just rolls his eyes - in what I can only hope is a fond way - and lets me be.

Surely these are all hints that he likes me? Is he really interested, or has it all just been in my head?

There are those comments he made as well. He had one too many goblets to drink at a feast one night a couple weeks after I realised that I liked him, and his father ordered me to take him to his chambers for the night, which I did, because no one can say no to the King.

We got to his chambers and I had to hold a bucket in front of his head as he emptied his stomach into it. I just sat in silence, running my hand through his blond locks and in circles on his broad back in what I hoped were soothing manners, and waited for him to finish.

He must have still been affected by the large amounts of wine he had consumed, because he asked me to stay with him until morning, and I agreed, even though I knew it was a bad idea. That's when he started talking.

"You know," he said, "you're one of the only people that gets me."

"Oh?" I asked, smiling at him.

"Yeah, like, I don't know many people that can actually keep up with my amazing wit!"

"That's just because I'm fabulous and amazing."

He snorted. He actually snorted! The audacity!

"Yeah, right," he said, curling into me on the bed and leaning his head on my shoulder, making my breath hitch in the process. "You know, if it were allowed, and you were up for it, I wouldn't mind courting you."

I froze. Had he admitted to liking me? Now that I look back on it, it was most likely the wine talking. He doesn't just admit his feelings to anyone like that. Also, looking back, what I did wasn't the smartest thing I could've done. I laughed it off and left.

The next morning he acted like nothing had happened so he obviously didn't remember anything, which I am glad for, otherwise these past few months would have been very awkward.

But, since then he has been starting a lot more of our wit matches - which I always win, by the way - and I keep catching him watching me from the side of his eye. He has also been insulting me a lot more, and asking my opinion on a lot more things. He's become very confusing.

I wish I could just find the courage to ask him if it has all been real, or whether it's just all been in my head. But if I do that I risk everything with him.

Recently, I had half a mind to just try and get over him, but then, or course, Morgana has to pry and she finds out that I like him. She did also tell me a lot of things that I didn't know, like how he's almost a completely different person when I'm not there, or how he admitted to her that he thought that I was different from everyone else, but that he liked me that way.

That's got to amount to something, doesn't it?

I want to believe Morgana. I want to believe that he likes me back, but it just seems too good to be true.

I mean, everyone - that is, the knights - always teases us, saying that we both flirt constantly and that we should just court, because we act like we already are courting. At first both him and I protested and tried to get them to stop, but then he started to either just ignore them or join in with them! I eventually gave up and just ignored them too, but I didn't agree with them. That would ruin me!

I am brought into reality by my name being called by him.

"I was looking for you!" He says and I fight to not freak out. Of course he was looking for me! It's my job!

"Whatever for, Sire?" I ask, grinning and trying to slow down my heartbeat.

"We are going on a hunt!"

"We are?"

"Yes," he gives me a strange look, "I told you this morning, I need to blow off steam from being cooped up in the council room with my father all day."

"Oh, right," I totally forgot! "Shall I get your armour and ready your horse?"

"Well, no, of course not! We're only going hunting! I need you to bring my nightclothes!"

I almost laugh at his incredulous look and ignore his sharp tone.

"Give me a few minutes, Sire."

True to my word, a few minutes later we are mounting our horses and heading towards the forest. We ride in silence for most of the way, until we reach a clearing and dismount.

"Leave everything here," he says, looking off in the distance, "I just need my crossbow today."

I follow my orders in silence, worried that if I open my mouth I might regret it.

We walk through the undergrowth for a while, then he stops suddenly, causing me to walk into his back. He turns and gives me a look I can't decipher before turning to the left and continuing. We continue walking in this manner for a while, the turns seemingly completely random, but we don't stop at all.

"Do you actually know where we're going?" I ask eventually, after walking into him for the seventh time.

"Of course I do."

"I don't believe you."

"And why not?" He gives me a faux look of hurt.

"I feel like we've been going in circles for at least an hour now," I say, raising my dark eyebrow at him.

"Yes, well I do know were we're going, so if you could pay a little more attention, my back is starting to hurt now."

I might have decided to walk into him more after that.

Finally, we stop at a smaller clearing and he puts down his crossbow and just looks at me.

"What?" I ask, not able to read his face, "Do I have something in my hair or something?"

He opens his mouth and seems to contemplate something for a minute, but then he shuts his mouth again and just stands there.

"Arthur? You're starting to worry me now. Are you okay?"

Still nothing.

"Look, if this is about your shield, I can explain," I joke, trying to get a reaction out of him.

"Is it true?" He asks finally.

"Is what true?"

"Do you like me?"

"Well of course I like you!" I try to cover up the hitch in my breath, "You're my best friend!"

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

I close my eyes and breathe. Morgana must have told him something. No matter how much I want to, I can't lie to him about this. I have to tell him.

"Merlin?"

I open my eyes again and steady myself.

"Yes, it's true," I admit, looking at the ground, "I've liked you for months and at first, I thought you might have liked me back, but then I started to get mixed signals from you. It's been tearing me apart, not knowing whether my feelings are reciprocated or not. But, please, can you just tell me. Was I right? Do you like me back? Or has it all just been in my head? All the glances, the smiles, even the insults. Was it all real? Or was I blind to reality?"

All I hear is silence, so I glance at Arthur and see a stunned look on his face. I'm such an idiot! He doesn't like me at all!

He takes a step forward. I look down again. His calloused hand reaches out and gently lifts my head. I am forced to look into his eyes, and they start to close as he leans in. I smile and meet him halfway.

He likes me back. It wasn't all in my head. It was real!


End file.
